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Dec. 29th, 2008

i don't know who i am.

i don't think i'm going to be posting on livejournal anymore.

baby watch 08 concluded around 2:20 this morning, december 5th, when eiley kathern hazelgrove was born.

this is my niece.

welcome to the world little girl.
i can't wait to watch you grow up.

i got the internet working on my computer finally...
and i just cant wait to play trickster all night sometime soon.
i'm the biggest nerd and i don't even mind that friends make fun of me for it.

under a honey moon

this cold windy city somehow makes me feel warmer than anywhere else.
it would be easy to say that is because of a singular person or experience,
however i think it is a large compilation of things.
it's strange but i feel as if my heart beat has synchronized with my current surroundings.

i don't want to come home.
i'm going to though.

"we started laughing until it didn't hurt"
i feel as if everywhere i go i find even bigger and better things.
it creates in me a temptation to never stop the movement.
perhaps that is really what i need to do.
just keep going and going until something magically fits.
and wherever i am when that happens,
is exactly where i am supposed to be.

i find answers in cacophony.
train rides and city noises.
i keep getting lost and frustrated.
my legs hurt from all the walking, and i can't feel my toes a lot of times.
but the beauty is,
eventually i get to where i was going
(even if i go in the opposite direction for a while)
and the feeling in my limbs keeps returning.
as long as that keeps happening, i'm content.

Nov. 11th, 2008

the city called me home.
so i didn't hesitate and haven't looked back.
i'm gone.

let's get out of this country

i want to be free range forever. i spent 5 years living for other people, and caring for everyone i came in contact with. i loved people who never asked for or deserved my love. i threw self respect out the window with my carefree, confident soul. and the more time goes by, i realize i'm not so sure i ever want to be in a position where i will be tempted to do that again. i love who i am right now. i love what a good friend i am, and that my life is about me.

i don't think i can stay here much longer,
and i am already tempted to just drop all my responsibilities to pack up and go.
this place isn't home anymore, and hasn't been for some time.

a late night drive, and i swear the skyline whispered "welcome home."

i feared the best and loved the worst.

lately all i see are spaceships and shooting stars.

i feel positively mystical and free.


i never felt so wicked

as when i willed our love to die

and i was your silver lining

as the story goes.

i was your silver lining

but now i’m gold.


good luck wanderer.

i wish you nothing but love, joy, smooth roads, and a warm bed each night.







anything negative just doesn't seem worth it these days.
if all else fails,

indy this weekend.
i'm excited.
i'm moving there in 4 months.
that is all.

let me be.

if there
is light it
will find you.

that is all i have to say.